Music // by // Vaishnavi P. (April 2018)

Music.

To some people, it’s another word in the dictionary, but to me, it’s something extraordinary. Music, for me, is a way of being heard without actually saying a single word. It’s what makes me feel at ease. All I need to do is put on my Beats, turn up the volume of my music, and turn down the noise of the world. I close my eyes and let the music take over my soul, enjoying every phrase and every note. When I’m drowning in a sea of my own problems, it’s music that saves me and keeps me afloat. It is the thread I hold on to when I feel like giving up on myself. Music has the power to make me smile when I’m at my weakest and has helped me fight through all of my struggles, allowing me to be my strongest.

Music is like my own Superman, saving me when I wander too far into the darkness. It’s what makes things hurt less. You know what music is? It’s the little voice inside my head telling me that everything will be okay, if not today then sometime soon. Music lets me have the freedom to dance to my own tune. It lets me be who I want to be, even if it’s not for long. Some days I dance in my room with the door closed, just so I can burst into song. Those are the days when I want to leave everything behind and drive down an open road, eighty an hour with the radio loud. I listen to songs that leave me smiling brightly in a crowd. As dopamine is released into my brain, I feel a feeling I can’t even begin to explain. In those few minutes, all of the pieces in this jigsaw puzzle we call life come into clarity and I’m sent into a place of serenity.

On other days, I study each song carefully, hearing how each instrument and voice in the background blend into each other perfectly. I listen closely, noticing new harmonies or each breath I take. I sing confidently, without the fear of making a mistake. I pay attention to how each crescendo and decrescendo take the music off the sheet and naturally find myself moving to the beat. I lose myself in each rest and quarter note. The director raises his hands, signaling for us all to sing our keynote. As the pianist begins to play his part, we all begin to create a beautiful masterpiece and all of our differences cease to exist. People in the audience watch us in awe, admiring this divine gift. When I look back through my worn out binder, seeing sheets of music covered in pencil, I’m taken back into that moment, when we were all one. That moment when we were all on the stage together shining brighter than the midnight sun.

On the worst days, when my heart breaks and tears fill my eyes, I understand each lyric. Music speaks to me, telling me to not be my worst critic. As the weight of the world gets harder to hold up, I let the song dissolve into my bloodstream and lose myself in a dream that’s bound to be broken. I let the voices of the singers drown out hurtful thoughts that were never spoken. Music becomes my therapist singing to me through my speakers, reminding me that we’re all broken creatures. I take down my walls and let the music purify me, helping me realize how I truly feel. The sadness that I conceal finally rushes out, like water behind a dam. I let beautiful melodies tell me things I’m too afraid to hear. They sing to me and say, “ Just listen to me and you’ll feel better, my dear.” When I’m locked behind my own door, lyrics come to the rescue and act as a key. And just like that, a few words begin to mean the world to me

It’s funny how something as simple as a few words and melodies can be so important to someone. The journey’s been tough, but I’ll always be grateful to the music that reminds me that the sun will rise again tomorrow. Music takes me to another world far away with no pain or sorrow. Would I ever want to live in a world without music? The answer is no; I could never live in a world without music. Without music, life wouldn’t be as beautiful as it is now. I wouldn’t have the connection with people that I do have now. Listening to music over the years has taught me to try and be an inspiration to others, taking their black and white lives and adding millions of colors. Music has taken my hand and has helped me pull myself up off the edge of a cliff. Music didn’t save me but gave me the strength to save myself.