As I lay, waiting. // by Julia L. (April 2016)

As I lay, waiting for the morning,
I have my best thoughts.
Thoughts of why I'm here,
Thoughts of what's to come.
As I lay, wondering of the future,
I still recall the past.
Times of missed opportunity,
Times of regretting the hurt I gifted
To an unwilling participant.
As I lay, tossing, turning,
I have a realization.
We all must move on at some point.
We must quit the thoughts of begging.
Begging for forgiveness of those who no longer care.
We must quit the reinforcement of barriers between who we were,
And who we are.
We must quit the malicious combination of self loathing,
And self hate.
We must quit our old lives,
To begin our new ones.
As I lay, slowly drifting off into sleep,
I know.
I know that nothing lasts forever.
I say now to myself,
Once and once only.
This will be the last time I lay, waiting.
For the morning comes when it will,
As will my end.